It has occurred to me that you need some background before reading this.
Andrew is my son. He just died. He was poisoned by his mother when he was 5, and hung on in good humor but much physical pain and suffering until he was 23.
Vechnaya Pamyat means memory eternal in Church Slavonic, the liturgical language of slavic Orthodox churches (Russian, Bulgarian, Macedonian, Serbian, etc). You can find it on youtube. No one does melancholy like the slavs.
Koliva is a dish made of boiled wheat, ground nuts, sugar and cinnamon and is offered at memorials and funerals. It is slightly sweet and signifies rebirth.
LIKE WHEAT FOR KOLIVA
Jim Scisson
His son is dead. Having no wife he must make the koliva himself. He goes to the middle eastern market, full of scowling Moslems who don’t like it that infidels invade their market. He buys 2 cups of #4 wheat, scooping it out of the bulk bin. While he is there he buys a lamb schwarma and a small tamarind soda. The food is amazingly good. He wonders why the Orthodox Christians can’t run a market like that. The Greeks used to run one near his home, but they sold out to the Muslims. He takes the food home and puts it on the table. Later that day he lays down and cries for his lost son. His son left home 5 years ago and come home only occasionally. He was missed every day, no matter what the son or others thought.
The next day is the visitation. He goes early so he can talk to his son in private without the Jehovah’s Witness shrew who lured his son away being there to afflict him It was odd to see his son so tall and still, without his body being rent by spasms. He cries silently as he talks to his son about how sorry his is that things went the way they did, and that he was unable to fix him by the force of his will alone. He sorrows that his son never got to do all the other things boys get to do; play ball, have dates, drive a car and get too much to drink and get in trouble.
Other people show up and he greets them, being careful to be extra nice and courteous to every one, as the Jehovah’s Witness shrew is looking for any excuse to throw him out of his own sons wake. The aunts from Texas show up and talk to his daughter who is there. They are pleased to have a new relative, as 2 of them have never seen Sarah and the other not since 1998. He greets more of his friends and also his daughter’s friends, being careful to be friendly with everyone. He is surprised that a former friend showed up, a man could have hired him, but didn’t. He made a photo memorial of his son with pictures from his whole life. Many were surprised to see how he looked before his mother poisoned him., when he could run and talk, and throw baseballs and play with teenage mutant ninja turtle swords. He takes the aunts out to a late lunch at a Mexican restaurant nearby. The aunts pronounced it passable. Later on he goes home and starts writing thank you notes to the people who sent cards and who he saw at the viewing and knew personally. He goes back to the funeral home and sees some more friends, including one who came 150 miles to see his son. He then goes to the store to get some food for the mercy meal after the religious service on Sunday, rice and chickens and beef and green peppers for his famous crock pot.
On Saturday is the funeral. Even though its by those non-Christian Jehovah’s Witness hooper-goopers, the service was acceptable. He got to be first in the car line as he was the dad. They took his son to the cemetery, said a few words, and left him there. No burial yet. He stays behind to sing Vechnaya Pamyat . Some things just have to be done.
After the funeral, another trip to the store, and then later, making the koliva: Boil the wheat for an hour, drain it, and pour it on the tablecloth and cover it with the rest of the tablecloth. Everything else will be done tomorrow.
The aunts decide to take the daughter out and get to know here. Its lonely that night.
Sunday is church and people are very nice. The Panikheda service is in the evening.
The aunts come over and help get the food ready, cook the rice, etc. He finished the Koliva: grind the walnuts, scrape up the wheat, which he does not think is dry enough but oh well, mix the nuts and wheat together, add some breadcrumbs and sugar, and mold it into place. After that, he covers it with powdered sugar and makes a cross with cinnamon using a stencil his godmother gave him.
At last all the food is ready. It goes out to the cars and to the church hall. The Koliva goes to the church. Margaret made some Koliva too, fearing that he would mess it up. Hers was better, but she has lots of practice, decades of it.
There are about 60 people in church. He sits in the front row, alone, as his daughter will not sit with him. Tony the chanter came back from upnorth to chant for the service. He was pretty grizzly, as he hadn’t shaved for a few days. Tony always makes it sound like the 12th century and the filthy Turks have yet to overrun Constantinople. The service is very nice, and it ends with the choir singing Vechnaya Pamyat. The father cries silently at the loss of his only son. Why son? Why did you have to die? I told God a thousand times or more that I would die for you so you could live a healthy life. But god didn’t listen.
The food after was very good, rotisserie chicken, the crockpot dish, rice and more, plus Stanley’s famous rice pudding and the Koliva. Slavs are big on dessert and are good eaters too. He and Tony eat at the men’s table while his daughter and the aunts sit at their own table. The rest of the women sit at their tables. He had always hoped that after he got the children back and became Orthodox, he could disappear into that, but it was not to be.
After it was over, the food goes back into the car and back home into the refrigerator.
He sits alone at home and cries. Why Son? Why? Why? You were my only son and I wanted so much for you, and you ended up twisted and wracked with spasms and no foot ball and no driving except for the golf cart that one time, no girlfriends, none of the things boys get to do, just endless hours of anime. I loved you so much, and now you are gone.
Vechnaya Pamyat, beloved son.